At 27.....

So today is my birthday and I'm up early because of my body clock and it's time to eat.... My stomach does not like th past two days matter of fact it woke me this morning screaming how hungry it is and I have been depriving myself due to my eating habits since I been here it is what it is, anyway Lots of reflection to be done today not meditating just reflecting... Significant changes made within the last two months, past year even regardless it is change, since a year ago from today I have lived with my husband for the first time in our marriage and went thru our rough patch but we recovered, of course by the time we got right he deployed in Dec. Since January of this year I have been solo. I made some goals which was to take a class towards my bachelors degree.. Win an award, volunteer more, Get promoted. Save money, and get out of debt. I have completed 3 of the 6 (save money,class, and volunteer more)and possibly 4 (get promoted) won't kno until June. About march time frame I had a coworker approach me and told me how I looked appearance wise a little overweight not in a rude way it was private and personal. At the time I made excellent score of 93/100 and 96/100 on my fitness tests the past few years however my appearance still didn't match me personally now I admit when my co worker told me this I had a heart attack I melted down and I felt like a piece of shit... But in the back of my mind always been insecur about my body and I had a pooch very obvious to me and I figured as long as I walked around like I was the shit I wouldn't have an issue. Well in the air force it is becoming about appearance being "fit to fight" and how can I defend my country and not look the part...it's politics and an oxymoron like having a overweight personal trainer or a stylist with terrible hair it just doesn't work... At that time I decided to make a change. I always been a fan of fitness but used every excuse to not do it.... Not the cool thing to do nowadays but I had to stop drinking and at the time I smoked cigarettes as well. So I cut those things out not easy considering I'm in Japan with lots of rice sushi and sake I love it all and with stress came smoking.... So about 6 weeks I went into a workout I found on body building .com by Felicia Romero and begin to try it however the eating part didn't work had no educating on the body or dieting I just went with it... No weight loss of course then I went back to 17 day diet which I been on a d off and it is a complete fluke but it does provide good examples of tricking the body however it wasn't conspire.t training it wasn't a person who cared about my well being and knew inside and out what the human body does.... So did some research trying to find a personal trainer since I just couldn't take it anymore I wanted to change in a major way and I wasn't getting what I wanted....so looked online saw two personal trainers on Island dealing with body building competing and stuff on base ,,,Shelly and Zoa. I did t know if I wanted to compete at the time I just know I needed someone quick so I emailed both and waited for response guess who got back to me? Zoa Linsey now at the time I always heard her referred to as the "muscular lady" or the blonde lady at the gym... Everyone on Okinawa knew this woman it seemed and I seen her a lot since me and hubby worked out at Tori by my place. I always admired her from a distance but too scared to approach..... So Zoa replied we talked about meeting and all that which, My life change well the major one began....so we discussed the plan and began to kick in to gear. I felt as if I was becoming a vegan lol I can't have red meat... Wow ... But she is the expert top 10 BB in the world I just couldn't tell this woman she was crazy hahhah... So it was rough start I felt myself dying but my body was confused as hell no bread past sugar little salt and sweets crazy as hell! It was painful but I kept going and it was a trial for a month no commitment to competing and we tried it..... First two weeks 3 lbs gone and .... Ummm so bout what I said earlier what had happened was lol... She knows what she is doing dun dun dunnnnn... So met the other ladies who already been in the program awhile they looked real good but exhausted and I'm thinking wow they look amazing but they look exhausted ... So I just observed I was 16 weeks no biggie.... Then they had to wear their bathing suits...what I don't get it why do I need to do that... Of course insecurity talking anywa I looked at these ladies further in their journey and felt inspired they are both marines and women bust their asses way more than me being in the air force and still manage to make a Change to their life it is amazing.... So I committed but still wasn't getting full issue going on.. I found myself frustrated a lot because I felt like an outsider mne I couldn't get the workouts perfected.... Well get the right muscle engaged that is so Zoa kept talking about this lady name Annie Peguero said she was awesome and highly recommended her. I was like well let's see what this lady is all about... At the time she just started her personal training gig and was a competitor herself...first day we worked out sore as shit... And every day since then she pushes me and pushes me....I hope she is reading this because I can't say thank you enough... Always supportive caring I consider u a close friend and this journey has been amazing ... So I will post more later but I want to thank god more today for blessing me to be Alive breathing another year, for my wonderful family friends, my husband/soulmate who always in the back of mind more than ever nothing has been easy but u do so much to make it less painful.. My coach/trainer/friends Zoa and Anne, if you are reading this I couldn't have been here without y'all and I dayum near gonna cry saying this shit but change isn't easy for anybody I have felt frustrations and will feel more but you guys are both straight forward people and have genuine caring for your clients and treat us as family.... This relationship is going to another level and I don't care what side of the world I'm in this is it y'all are in my life period.... Not in a creepy way lol but I look forward to developing my abilities becoming and growing into a better fulfilled being and having a lifetime of happiness in this experience ... Competing till my hip breaks I dunno! I love y'all both know that.... I plan on getting my tan on today nothing fancy may go to chilli's and have them sing the birthday song just for fun anything goes! Just happy to be in this life in this body... Just me.. Drea Disclaimer spelling is terrible I am typing on a freaking IPad with dayum autocorrect so don't judge me ! Lol