This has been a process for me.... and still in progress...there have been days when I feel like I am on top of the world, going a zillion miles an hr... I can do what I wanna do, be what I wanna be and NOONE can stop me.....then there are days when "the world is going to end" or I am going die...all the dramatic stuff...and I lose the Mojo.... I am mentally exhausted today...so many things going on in my mind..first day back at work, and I realize I got 8 weeks to date, to get my body in the condition I want to be in for competition....and just hit a wall....I couldnt lift the weight I normally can, my head was not in it.... I dayum near broke down crying mid set.....and not because the workout was terrible but because I hit a wall, and my husband is returning from a deployment and I am trying to adjust..... This adding another brick on top of what I already have been doing with just me....
Now was this bound to happen? Of course.... Did I prepare? not really... either way it has me kind of uptight to where I couldnt give everything I have to Anne today and I felt bad...but I am going to meditate...and shrug it off...and move on to the next situation... I lost the Mojo for a second... I almost forgot why I am doing this.....and Anne asked me if it is in my heart...hell yes... in my mind too.. I think about this shit ALMOST as much as sex..yea i said it..! Either way it doesnt go away because I dont want it to, but I need to be reminded that I wanted to do this... I said I am doing this, I am doing this..and I am going to finish this.... alot of tears will be shed, frustrations, steam blown off but nothing takes away from my purpose/objective...which when you remind yourself, you tend to feel better...you tend to understand the situation better versus acting on pure emotion...which I am very guilty of...the emotion should only be happiness, frustration and exhaustion... with any typical problem or goal there will be these consistent feelings. Now what you do with the problem or during is up to you... I keep this blog...to be REMINDED of my purpose...which I plan on rereading my entry on Why Bodybuilding?
Because that was the moment, I had it in my mind that this is what I wanted......
No comments:
Post a Comment