Ready or Not Ready...we shall see!

Been a week and I feel like I havent been writing, everytime i get a chance to sit down, I get tied up into something else...days are running together...

So what has went down thus far in the past week is that I am at 5 weeks and since my husband came back, dieting has been on a roller coaster, I have been on it, off it...I felt guilty for not eating with my husband the things I know are bad for me..not intentionally sabataging but trying to get the best of both worlds...its obvious the shyt doesnt work that way but in attempt to do this, I set my self back a bit in my progress, not extreme but to the point where I am at a wall and trying to get back on track...it was to the point where I walked into to work out monday my legs and couldnt get a full set out, the conditioning wasnt there because I wasnt doing my cardio and I skipped on the gym last sat because I had a glass of wine from my promotion celebration which gave me a freaking hangover! Which only because I havent had alcohol in 6 months, I felt like I had so much more than that...anyway I skipped it when I should have just pushed through but I became a baby and just let it be...FINE ... ship has sailed... Anne told me that I didnt look ready for someone at 5 weeks out which I wasnt ready to hear but I knew she was right...I set my own self back but at this point I was ready to call it quits...aint even gonna lie... but for what? I mean I invested so much time and all is not lost however I want be at the ultimate BEST I can be because of these events but I still can make due with what I have been given.....

I want to tell yall i have amazing coach and trainer because even when I am hot mess they (Zoa and Anne) are convinced I can recover but they are not giving up on me! I am not giving up on me either....so this week been kicking ass...not missing my cardio....I even held myself accountable to my trainer by texting her the workouts and for some reason..maybe its the military thing but I am going no matter how late it is or whatever...I am getting it done and I feel better...I am understanding the importance of conditioning and if you give your body too much of a break it pretty much is like a "reset" button.... so I dont want another day like last week especially when last thursday Leg day I push 320 on the leg press...and I could barley do 50 monday UNACCEPTABLE! So enough of beating that horse...

bottom line is whether I am ready or not for Aug 5th I have succeeded in changing my lifestyle , losing the weight, feeling good in my skin and inspiring others in my unit...they keep me going, Zoa keeps me going, Anne keeps me going...all these people who believe that I am capable of doing this clearly are seeing something that I failed to see last week but I am back now...going to bust my ass next 5 weeks no excuses and see wut the outcome is and if its not meant to happen I still look good and feel good..

So i plan on using this blog as accountability of my workouts so here is what my week looked like,


Monday

No am cardio
Weights- Legs
Pm Cardio- Spin Class

Tuesday

Am Cardio- Squadron Pt Football
Weights- Shoulders Back
Pm Cardio- Spin Class

Wed

No Am Cardio
Weights- Legs
Pm Cardio- Sprints/Bleachers

Thursday
Am Cardio- Squadron Pt 2.5 Mile Run
Weights- Rest Day
Pm Cardio- Spin Class

Friday
Am Cardio- 15 min run to gym 30 min Stepper
Weights- Arms Shoulders Calves
Pm Cardio- Treadmill 15 mins 30 mins stepper

Today is posing practice and I am nervous....I am sure the other ladies look fabulous or maybe they are in the same boat as me, but I am the only first time competitor at this point.... but I am just going to take the feedback and keep it moving...

just finished running 3 miles in the humidity and eating... I am tired but this is what I been up to...lets see what 5 weeks can do! Have a good day yall!

Arms Tommorow......

I am still very new to this whole Body Building experience but Lenda Murray...i have fallen completely in love with her ...she truly lives in her heart and soul of BB....I cant be her of course ...I can only be me...but seeing this..her intensity...her joy just going in the weight room.... i want that...need that... it will take work...and mental toughness for me to get there..but I know I can do it...I just watch this video and got excited about tommrow... working arms, shoulders and calves....

More Posing Practice .....and still more practice

So today it dawned on me the music I want for my routine... I have alternate in case but this one seems to fit me and not just in this sport but just as a person... I plan on giving it everything I got and showcasing to the best of my ability and whatever happens happens but either way I feel blessed I feel happy and I want to progress so far as to inspire others and I am amazed at support I get and how brave ppl say I am and all I can say is thank you....because many times wandering mind brings negativity and no matter how strong u think u are or appear to be sometimes u will be vulnerable and allow yourself to believe that you shouldn't do this... You can't do this... And most of all YOU WONT... And I Refuse not to follow thru... Which is why I chose the song "fighter" because this feels like one of the larger challenges that feels harder and harder with every training every cardio wutever but as Jay-z says " I will not lose"

Time for Refresh....

well last week bit of a slump, i feel into. The hubby returned (YAY) however with me dieting he had some growing pains with me along with me to him and it kind of went WWIII in the house... I know it wont happen overnight but i need him to be supportive well I hope he is...but I am back and not losing focus... all i can do is include him in the process...and see where we go from there...but from now until Aug 5th....there will be no rest well unless i have too annndd I will PUSH and DIG and PUSH some more because this is something I want and CAN achieve with a little hard work well no ALOT of hardwork and the help of Zoa and Anne..... it will be bittersweet even just getting up there...regardless of what i place how i do, I am there....I am not going to stop until I get this!

Phewww....

I am up early before my cardio and feel like I didnt sleep at all...but I have to...have to get my cardio in as my trainer Anne says. I understand why but I just dont want to do it...hahha..but it will wake me up just a bit for sure... I am sitting here debating about spin class which seems to be easy kill...actually I am going to go , just decided because Torii Gym doesnt open till 10am and I am not going to wait that long for cardio. Its supposed to be first thing anyway...been thinking alot about my posing music and routine and hope for the 60 seconds I dont get up there and freeze like a dayum robot...i keep having dreams of that and I need to be positive but feel so much pressure from myself...but I have to remind myself I am consolidating what athletes take years to do in to 4 months which may or may not go well...

Still waiting my legs to reveal their true selves because of the most fat in that area and my butt it may take a bit...but based on the soreness I know they are there...here are some pics i took thus far...gotta get in the zone, and work on these poses....

7 weeks/10 weeks

Your Willpower will be tested repeatedly....

As i progress through all this, I realize the many challenges I face everyday ...from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep... think of it like this...I wake up earrlly in the morning to do my cardio bout 430 am so i can get my caffine and supplements... for a split second I want to roll over...I want to go back to sleep but I jump up RUN to the coffeemaker already pre set ( thank goodness for timed coffe makers wooooo!) .... still in the house but trying to wake up instant...now still not leaving the house I could say screw it and I will do it "later" but yet another reason to keep pressing...when i get there my 45 min seems like eternity I feel like I am just doing something so horrible ...and I could cut it short but I finish strong.... I finished come back and eat my meal...could put something not in my diet but I choose not.....

anyway you get the point....it is a constant battle...almost to where you think you will be defeated but.... thats what PEOPLE.... yes they out there want you to quit...because they may not have seen first hand..RESILIENCE ... WILLPOWER in such a sport that pretty much makes you feel like  a LEPER...I say this from experience, daily I feel challenges...times when I dont feel like working out...dont want to do cardio...DONT WANT TO EAT ANOTHER DAYUM PIECE OF TUNA ...however the outcome of not doing this is to pretty much VOID everything I have worked so hard for...Why give the haters satisfaction, or what let down the people who are "inspired" by you...yes they are out there...silent they may be but they look at you...thinking "Dayum, she really is doing it! .... " and I am starting to see this as well..I will say that the most challenging this is having the thick skin to be stick out my chest and say Hell yea I am doing this ...and you can stuff your face with cake if you want but I know what I want and what I am going to do and none of that includes sabotaging my hard work...YES YOUR HARD WORK...because my coach didnt do it..my trainer didnt do it..YES they helped me...and YES they are awesome, but they are not here twisting my arm to diet and eat the right things... but for all they know I could be stuffing down fries..but who am i really hurting...you get the idea...

I am on a coaster of emotions, not ashamed to admit...days im frustrated..crying, angry..etc...just all the nature of your WILLPOWER being tested because best believe you feel like you bout to break... but you have to bring your self back...and I mean bring your mind to the front... adjust and move forward...easier said then done... I have not mastered any of this yet.... but I am sharing because I am sure someone is feeling the pain... but I am practicing the pep talk... " Drea, you got this.... you are doing this ...you will do this... FOCUS..." because although folks say they understand...truthfully they probably dont and those that do will tell you that its gonna be ok...but at the time you feel like they are feeding you shit....until you reach your goal and say "oh i see now..." its gonna feel like you vs the world...so be it... but dont make it you vs. yourself....and I mean dont make this about a constant fight...or half in or half out.... because you will be more miserable...

My diet is changing and I am sure my emotions will go with it....but I am working on staying focused and moving forward because there is no turning back!

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and conveniences, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" - Martin Luther King Jr.

Happy Training Yall...

Learning a Lesson in Mental Toughness and Intensity

What an experience today! I did leg day and it was an overwhelming experience and I say that because I have never felt like that before... I have been practicing the mental toughness from the article

 Bodybuilding.com - Get Mental With The Psychology Of Strength!http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jhewett2.htm#.T8hE-tqgMdM.gmail  

today I took in some sunlight when i woke up, a few minutes of meditation and I actually avoided the typical "mental stress hangups" of work...and it actually made me improve! Granted I wont say it was a happy experience because I was tired....yes I pouted a bit butttt work in progress....attitude adjustment which I will continue practicing "embracing the suck" so to speak... I pushed myself for leg day, I lifted almost 3x's my weight today in squats and pressed with legs more than half the people in the gym, this is not cockiness but more of being proud...because things that appear impossible I have been able to overcome ... My goal is to compete in 8 weeks at an amateur BB competition here , it could happen but regardless I will keep pressing until game day and when its meant to be it will be... My trainer Anne is getting tough with me which I guess makes me a bit "sensitive" however it just means that I gotta get my head in the game... I can only progress to a higher level with less stress and more positive thinking...its sad but I know there are folks who want to see me fail but I will not give them the satisfaction and with the growing support I have been recieving I refuse to let this fall by the waist side...but i will say if your head is not in it to train you will not succeed....

i repeat if your head is not in it you will not succeed...sounds a bit extreme but your mind is what keeps you  motivated, contains your emotions, and determines whether you move forward or backward...this is all lessons, i am learning and hope you all are learning too...

Continue to mentally and physically train hard and stay focused ....im right there with ya! :)

Drea

Stay Reminded of your Purpose and Objective.... Dont lose Mojo!

This has been a process for me.... and still in progress...there have been days when I feel like I am on top of the world, going a zillion miles an hr... I can do what I wanna do, be what I wanna be and NOONE can stop me.....then there are days when "the world is going to end" or I am going die...all the dramatic stuff...and I lose the Mojo.... I am mentally exhausted today...so many things going on in my mind..first day back at work, and I realize I got 8 weeks to date, to get my body in the condition I want to be in for competition....and just hit a wall....I couldnt lift the weight I normally can, my head was not in it.... I dayum near broke down crying mid set.....and not because the workout was terrible but because I hit a wall, and my husband is returning from a deployment and I am trying to adjust..... This adding another brick on top of what I already have been doing with just me....

Now was this bound to happen? Of course.... Did I prepare? not really... either way it has me kind of uptight to where I couldnt give everything I have to Anne today and I felt bad...but I am going to meditate...and shrug it off...and move on to the next situation... I lost the Mojo for a second... I almost forgot why I am doing this.....and Anne asked me if it is in my heart...hell yes... in my mind too.. I think about this shit ALMOST as much as sex..yea i said it..! Either way it doesnt go away because I dont want it to, but I need to be reminded that   I wanted to do this... I said I am doing this, I am doing this..and I am going to finish this.... alot of tears will be shed, frustrations, steam blown off but nothing takes away from my purpose/objective...which when you remind yourself, you tend to feel better...you tend to understand the situation better versus acting on pure emotion...which I am very guilty of...the emotion should only be happiness, frustration and exhaustion... with any typical problem or goal there will be these consistent feelings. Now what you do with the problem or during is up to you... I keep this blog...to be REMINDED of my purpose...which I plan on rereading my entry on Why Bodybuilding?

Because that was the moment, I had it in my mind that this is what I wanted......

I ...am... Hongry...worse than Hungry!

Public Service Announcement...

It is almost 11pm on a Sat, normally in bed by 9, yes i am older...and cant hang like i used to...i need sleep...and i was having that dream you know the one with lots of wishful thinking...and when its just getting good.....


YOUR STOMACH GROWLING...

and not quiet but loud as hell "like wake the hell up" ...i thought it was morning time nah 2 hrs later from bedtime I am HONGRY as hell....talk about some fast ass metabolism.... guess I can either dream about eating more food or drink more water... this just aint right....no one should wake up HONGRY eating many times as I do...

Guess I can dream about eating cheesecake or something....this is just so sad...why me lawd.. :)

ok carry on...

Lazy...need to get some act right!

Its a beautiful day in Okinawa and I barley have moved today...did run this morning and got the tan lines from my capris bottoms on down as well as my arms... but just not in the mood i guess...since i just came from Guam not really wanting to go far and considering I am bout 20 mins from base and its pay day...i am pretty discouraged but what i will do at least is get my arms some love today...my legs got a nice little beating yesterday with 300lb v squats....amazing what will power can do...but I am going to push myself....My trainer sent me something yesterday...good read and I think it will help me through this process of having a clear head and becoming more Zen... I also met an another person on BB.Com who posted about mental toughness.... and he is right on the money...check out both articles...

http://www.cintronathletictraining.com/2012/05/mental-toughness-workout/

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jhewett2.htm#.T8hE-tqgMdM.gmail

your way of thinking plays a huge part in your lifestyle ...

I only hope that I can vear towards positive thinking more and avoid getting sucked in to the negative way of thinking as it can only hurt me and my progress....

Have a good day yall!

Blog title change...

So decided to change title on my blog because I'm not just competing but because this has become much bigger than that and I realize this because of changes in my mental physical and spiritual lifestyle. Granted who knew that something as small could grow to be so big but the reality is when you look good you feel good and your body and mind are a team whether we realize it or not.... Walking and talking doesn't always make us where we see ourselves long term.... Just like I never did any type fitness until I joined the air force and realized I can't even do a push up .... And even years later when your metabolism isn't where it was when you were 21 it still is a struggle .... But it isn't too late EVER... And even if u used to be size 4 and now 14 it doesn't mean your stuck for ever it means u change priorities and bust your ass to get where you want to be...I am no expert on this however I am speaking from experience in this process ... It's that domino effect ...and all I been saying lately is wow... I can't wait to lift this next weight.... Meet this next person ...push another to believe they can do it ...whatever the case ... In my job my home life ... And of course fitness... Not alot compares to this experience and as much as there are times when I ask why am I doin this out of frustration I would rather continue on this path ... And I'm happy to write and share this experience with you all .. I hope you find your inspiration and commit to follow through because only "you" are preventing yourself from moving forward... You can do it... Stay focused!