So yesterdays post frustrated me ALOT more than a bit, it really got UNDERNEATH my skin to the point where I had that shit on my mind all day...now of course doesnt help my emotions are multiplied by 1,000 cuz of my Time of the month but just the fact that seeing those numbers almost made me well no I did question my hardwork.... I almost questioned going to Austrailia and why I did it!?? WTH??? So you clearly see it was self destructive criticism a bit. None of this I shared with husband which he already thinks I am completely nuts this week as every month I am this way but less neurotic lol ... but I think with the return to dieting AND Aunt Flow it just backs him into a corner lol... so I leave him alone a bit....so I had some time to think... and the conclusion I came to is this...
- The only person that can keep me from being successful is me
Not that I will fail but if I decide to feed into the negativity I fight so hard to stay from it could become self destructive and instead of positive patty I become Negative Nancy ( I dont care for those kind of people!). Its not punishment type of deal but it is contagious....I gained weight fine...does it matter how? Not really at this point because I do know how to get this shit off, I do have someone ZOA to freakin help me out or is helping me out, and I have conquered this beast before. It doesnt take back the show and the hard work, the emotional ride for the past few months prior and it doesnt change me as a person well it does but it makes me better. I looked at my body constantly all day trying to "look" for this extra weight but for what.....make myself crazy and shit it just doesnt make sense....It is a start of this process for this show that I wanna look better than I was last year and truthfully I already do in the aspect of my way of thinking... last year I just wanted to get their..this year I just want to give it my FREAKIN all...
Zoa is not upset which I know when and if she would get upset I would know it (and honestly I dont think she would because she is that kind of person, its not about scolding its about showing the direction to go in...)... so now it is only my mind and emotions playing with me...
I write this to myself as I am sure I may get to this point again and if I need to read it so be it..but I can be my worst enemy but I refuse to get sucked in... I am better than that, can be better , will be better .... and I will just leave it at that....
No comments:
Post a Comment