I really miss writing, it seemed to bring a sort of sense of venting, well actually it was venting for me. For the past few weeks, i have had some issues emotionally, for some reason I started to feel like I obsessed ov er food too much or care more about my workouts and maintaining then most "normal" people...just because sometimes its all I think about. But...
the reality is that I am trying to "develop different/better habits after 27 years of doing the same things" as my friends says. I felt like that because I am starting to care about what I actually put in body food wise...it makes me obsessive...no it makes me human and want to be healthy, on top of not wanting to have the same issues I had almost a year ago... I felt like as soon as the show was done i would gain all the weight back I lost because someone wasnt standing over me telling me it was a bad idea.....i.e. my coach and I did fall off the deep a little bit with my eating...it took much self control and developing a routine to get back on track... but I feel like I am better place because I am determining my way of thinking is normal! I care about what I put in my body, more than i did before because I understand/learned what the process is, how nutrition works... and its not always a bad thing... although on occasion folks still ask questions like "what now, another competition?" No! Well next year anway, Just living my life... better....I allow cheats, I dont overdo...shit I dont even like milk anymore! This comes from cereal eater for lunch dinner brunch...
This is the hardest part of all the change in any aspect, its acceptance....I have acceptance 100% who I am...and honestly it feels more normal then before...
I been putting off getting this tattoo... A) cuz I know its going to hurt B) I wasnt sure if I wanted to do it...
But I feel its necessary, I only put the tattoos with signifcants, most of the tattoos I have connect to me in someone... this will be my 9th tattoo...yea when the hell do you stop...shit i dunno ...when you run out of space on your body...
My tattoo guy, who is awesome drew this for me...so Im going for it...not saying the buzzing doesnt scare the shit out of me...but Im going for it now!
Other than that, I still go to the gym aka my sanctuary, where it all feels normal, feels right...I am the working goals, they fell to the waistside...
but this journal keeps me accountable most definitely! I missed writing here...and reading all the other journals out there..
I hope you all are doing well out there...:waving:
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